Christian Cursing?

seminar on cursing.

A few years back, there was a problem in our youth group with cursing. Some of the older kids were doing it, in church, with alarming frequency and recklessness. When my teachers tried to address the problem, some of the older kids began to retort back, "I don't understand why this is wrong!"

At KUMC we work really hard to avoid the "BECAUSE I SAID SO" approach. I think its important to explain to teenagers the wisdom behind our rules.

Here's the problem tho.

Usually, when it comes to 'cursing', parents and pastors give their kids provisional answers. I think its because we assume that the badness of cursing will become obvious once kids mature a bit. And because of this assumption, we often don't bother to do the hard work of thinking through the issue as well as we need to in order to provide a well thought out answer to these kinds of questions.

This was my problem. And I ended up writing and delivering the following essay at a youth group meeting almost as a contemptuous joke.

I now believe that we were wrong to assume that the morality of cursing is obvious to the mature. These things are not obvious. And the fact that my friend Paul's blog post is still generating comments after 3 years is probably indicative of that.

And so, I decided to post something about Christian Cursing. Please remember that the original paper was written so that some snotty know-it-all teenagers could be rebuffed in their attempt at justifying their foul mouths (grrrrrr!!!). But really, I don't claim to have all the answers. I'm just trying to generate some more discussion on the topic while offering some ideas as a launch point. If you don't like something I say here, please go ahead and comment. If you really don't like what I say here, please blame Paul.


Cursing seminar

All words are social constructs. Their meanings are determined collectively by society. These meanings, just like the societies that employ them, are not static. The word, ‘n*gg*r’ (henceforth, the n-word) in earlier times was received more benignly. It simply meant ‘ignorant’. The term has come to be both a derogatory and racially inflammatory term. If there was one word that embodies the baggage of historical hatred, derision and dehumanization of whites towards Blacks, that word would be it.

But it might be argued that in certain circles, the term seems to be ok. For, if meaning is socially determined, and our receptivity of any given word is socially conditioned, in a world where such conditioning is absent, the term would lack its baggage and thus would be more acceptable for use.

Such is the case with once taboo words as ‘sh*t’ and ‘f*ck’, words my youth group kids are starting to use with alarming frequency.

The problem is that the social conditioning that happens regarding words does not happen in a vacuum. Words become taboo for a reason.

The wisdom in these taboo-respecting societies is pretty simply. Just as there are certain words you can say to build up, so there are words that tear down. Certain words cause disruptions in relations. Oftentimes these disruptions can and will become violent. Thus those words that were deemed the most egregious have been rendered beyond the pail.

Lets flush that out a bit more.
Certain words are inflammatory, often exacerbating problems that have yet to be solved. The afore mentioned ‘n word’ has this effect. When used by non-blacks of blacks, it exasperates an already volatile racial tension. The issue of race in this country, even today, still has not been resolved. The use of this word only makes matters worse. It has the effect of making one feel as if the resolution we seek is further than it actually is.

But what about the curse words that we employ like "sh*t" and "f*ck"? Aren't they a little more benign than the n word? Don't they have less social and historical baggage?


But what about those words that are becoming more common place? Eg ‘sh*t’ and ‘f*ck’ Should Christians use such terms if the terms are acceptable in the circles they run? The argument usually goes like this: ‘my friends use it, and its ok.’

Such thinking assumes that context can remove the inflammatory nature of taboo words. But this is NOT always the case. Words, by virtue of the aforementioned social conditioning/construction, have meaning apart from us as individuals. So much so that some words have been poisoned for us before we even had a chance to formulate the msg in our mind that we want to communicate.

The "n-word" suffers from this problem. Some black ppl use the word as a term of endearment. Non-blacks sometimes complain that this is a double standard. Why is it ok for black people to use, but inappropriate for non blacks?.

The answer is tricky, but manageable. Black people will tend to use the word when there is no white presense. ie...it is supposed to be used in a situation where white people, for all intensive purposes don't exist.

And this is why I'm arguing that the word should be both retired and banned from use at least until the cultural and historical baggage associated with the word can be divorced from any possible contemporary usage (which will probably be never).

This offers us a nice way to look at the other words in question. 'F*ck' and 'sh*t' have similar uses as terms of endearment. This seems to indicate that the inflammatory aspect of these words CAN and in fact has been divorced from their contemporary usage. It has. But it was done in the same way the 'n-word' was. These words only can be uded in particular dialects of localized cliques, of which a large part of America is not a part of.

The problem with all of these words then is one of division and fracture. It conveys the idea that Shalom is further off than it needs to be.

But what then is the appeal? Why do people continue to use language that hurtfully fractures and disillusions?

I think that answer to that is the fact that cursing is tribal language. It's a way to identify and endear oneself to a particular clan. But those who cannot use such language (like those ppl of a more conservative persuasion) run the risk of ridicule and marginalization.

Endearing?
When one says, ‘you are F*cking Amazing!”. That tends to be endearing.
Compare this to ‘you are a F*cking Screw up!’ This is inflammatory.

Inflammatory?
when ‘f*ck’ in introduced into the sentence, any possibility for rational dialogue is made more distant. It sets the recipient on a defensive edge.
Contrast ‘you are a F*cking Screw up!’
with the following sentence: ‘you made a mistake here’.

I have found it to be the case that when I find people who are comfortable with cursing, when they become upset with someone, the cursing is one of the first things that ensues. I know that this is a slippery slope argument, and that such arguments are fallacies. But that is only in logic. Slippery Slope actually does a good job describing character formation.

Remember, at the root, the Problem is not only in the word, but in the people.

The problem is a heart problem.

James warns us of this. We use words as power plays…in order to get what we want.
Words can be weapons...or manipulation…or the agents by which we exert our will upon another.

Its ironic. we often 1st learn how to be comfortable with reckless word use because it enabled them come off as endearing to friends. But once things get heated, our words are the very thing that hampers our ability to keep those friends.

This all being said, is there room for a Christian to curse if he or she can avoid all of those pitfalls mentioned?

I would say yes. But it takes wisdom to parse out when such words are endearing and when they are inflammatory. It takes forsight to understand the ramifications of our words on other people, even if we meant well. And this is wisdom that I rarely see in teenagers and adults (including myself) alike.

PS...if you are a youth group kid and you are reading this, disregard that last statement. You are still not allowed to curse. now goto your room!

Korean Americans and abuse

I havent' posted anything in a while. i really think that seminary killed my ability to write. when you are being graded by people who are constantly trying to figure out "what side you are on", it starts to instill a sense of incapacitating paranoia.

this is the first paper I've written since seminary. its for a seminar that i'm giving to my church on the topic of Child Abuse in Korean American homes. This is only the 1st half...and there are no citations. I'll go back and fix it later. please, no one accuse me of plagarizing until I've had a chance to cite properly. (see? I'm still paranoid!)

Joe

Abstract: Korean kids today are going through a version of life that is radically different and more stressful than it was even 10 years ago. This difference is so radical that many of the parenting techniques that we use in Korean circles actually hurt our kid’s development and hinder their chances of success in this world.

This week marks the 2 year anniversary of the Virginia tech massacre, where a Korean American student, Seung Hui Cho, went on a shooting rampage, killing 32 people and wounding many more. This tragic event ended up being the deadliest in American peacetime history. And the fact that it involved a Korean student sparked all kinds of discussions both in Korea and in America about Korean students and mental health. Cho’s rampage was not the 1^st instance of Korean American mental sickness, but it did illuminate what for many Americans (and Koreans) what was a grossly under-discussed topic.

Studies began to surface that showed what many experts had already known for years. Koreans, out of all the ethnic groups in America, tend to suffer the most from a lot of mental and emotional dysfunction such as Depression, Anxiety and Anger. And while that information is disturbing enough, it turns out that we are also the least likely to seek treatment.

Here are some facts:

- More than a few studies show that Korean college students (particularly male ones) are more likely to be depressed than all other ethnicities including Caucasian people.

- As mentioned above, out of all the ethnicities, Koreans are the least likely to seek professional help. Instead, they have a tendency to self medicate using drugs and alcohol.

- Suicide is the #2 cause of death for all Asian women, among whom Koreans are at the top.

A Korean counseling center in Los Angeles reported on their website that they see many patients who are depressed. The reasons for their depression, while varied, all had to do with stress.

Renewal Church in Philadelphia (a 2^nd generation Korean American church) has one of the largest college groups in the city. They reported in an interview that there are quite a number of college students who are hospitalized due to some mental breakdown. These students come from families where the pressure for academic achievement is high. The cause of their breakdown is almost always stress.

Why are our teenagers and college students breaking down?

Haven’t students always been under a great deal of stress? After all, if you aren’t stressed out about your grades, maybe you aren’t trying hard enough!

For as long as I can remember, Koreans have been sending their kids to the top schools in the country without incident. Why are Kids, all of sudden, breaking down? Has something changed so radically in culture or society that it caused the stress level of students to increase?

I can’t be sure, but based on my experience 10 years as a youth pastor, I would say ‘yes’. Culture and society has changed. And these radical changes have increased the level of stress that kids experience today.

One scholar (Harvey Conn) notes that the earlier 2^nd generation of Korean Americans tended to have a complex about their American identities. They seemed to have a maniacal need to prove to Caucasians that they were just as “American” as the next person. But the 3^rd generation tended not to have this complex. Instead, while comfortably acclimated to their American situatedness, they were more open to celebrating their ethnic heritage. This would explain why many of our youth, while still firmly American, love listening to Korean music, watching Korean dramas and generally love all things Korean. In other words, today’s next generation loves both cultures. And they love both so much, that they often become addicted to the alluring parts and utterly susceptible to the toxic parts.

In the past, the tendency was for kids to struggle with the problems of one culture or the other. Today, many struggle equally with both. For many, there is so much pressure to be perfectly beautiful and perfectly educated.

In Korea culture, there is an inordinate emphasis on physical appearance. This issue has to do with upward mobility. If one desired to move up in society and “succeed”, you had to either be born into a good family or else marry into one. This would explain why Korea as a nation seems to have an insatiable appetite for plastic surgery and designer clothing. Many are simply trying to improve their chances to marry.

But in America, things are slightly different, though the difference tends to be only of emphasis. While American culture is rife with many examples of plastic surgery indulgence and consumer materialism, in Korean circles, it’s Education that is the preferred vehicle for upward social mobility. This would explain why there is so much pressure in many Korean families for children to do well academically.

It is on this topic of academic excellence that we will focus the rest of the paper on. The beauty issue will have to be covered in another seminar. My thesis is that while Korean parents genuinely desire their kids to succeed socially and academically, current Korean parenting trends sabotage the effort.

I need a new doctor

I'm searching for a primary care doctor. the last one i had was a bit unkind.
I remember during my first (and only visit) he asked me,

"How come you are not married?"

I jokingly responded,

"if you know anyone please let me know."

He then asked me,

"Don't you have any friends who are looking out for you?"

and even tho I had high cholesterol and some pretty bad chest pains, i never went back to him. That was last year. I need a new doctor.

some thoughts on pluralization and faith.

Some thoughts gleaned from Peter Berger’s book, “In Praise of Doubt”.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/In-Praise-of-Doubt/Peter-Berger/e/9780061778162/?itm=3&USRI=peter+berger

According to Berger, the modern era has put American Christians in touch with many faiths and ideologies that differ from its own. This pluralistic situation has produced 3 basic positions in the American religious landscape: pluralist (different religions? its all good!), inclusivist (think syncretism) and exclusivist (My religion is right and no further discussion is necessary). Of the 3, the inclusivist view has become the dominant position. In such an environment, the other views have become increasingly difficult for many Xtns to maintain.

I’ll give you an example of what he is talking about.

In any given high school, Kids come into contact with kids of other faiths and beliefs. They make friends with mormons and/or homosexuals who, as it turns out, are not the evil demons that they were led to believe they were. These kids, on one hand, would rather not give up on their religion. But on the other hand, they would rather not believe that their friends of differing beliefs are heading to hell…a move that most likely will lead to the re-demonization of their new found friends. So they compromise saying, ‘I would like to remain Xtn, but I choose to alter some tenets (like the morality of Homosexuality) so that I don’t have to ostracize my friends’.

Is there a way for us as Xtn leaders to help these kids maintain historic and orthodox Xtnity while addressing the concerns of this (in some ways) new (and in some ways not so new) situation? I haven't seen too many churches do both well.

thoughts?

the Elusive middle strikes again

the search for that ever elusive middle strikes again.

Exhibit A: "Freaks and Geeks"

- ...a tv series in 1999. canceled mid-season. the series follows the life of one Lindsey Weir as she tries to get thru high school. the twist that makes this show special is that the 'cool kids' (designated "Freaks") are just as dysfunctional...and in most cases even more so... as the geeks.
even the adults in the show are unhelpful. Lindsey was present when her grandmother ignominiously died on a hospital bed. There was no God, or bright lights or peace. there was fear on her face...because there was nothing waiting for her.

here's the gist, what difference does it make if you are either end of any given spectrum? your life still ends up being that endless pursuit of that ever elusive middle ground. there are no answers on the edges. instead, you have every side trying to get towards some common sense of normalcy.

and here's where the philosophers (i'm talking about you Sartre!) perhaps, are a little bit helpful.
in the absence of something to hang your hat on (ie. God, THE good, truth, raison d'etre ect) there is always anxiety...some sort of vacuum that drives ppl to fill in the emptiness. this vacuum is not stagnant...it drives ppl in a particular direction. again...the search for that ever elusive middle.

the Bible begins with the story of Ha Adam...the man. what does it mean to be human? what is humanity's raison d'etre? in our case, we might as well change the statement for contextualization sake...what does it mean to be normal? or clean (as opposed to unclean)...or honored as opposed to shamed?

maybe there is more of a parallel between what the Bible calls 'idolatry' and what we call "status markers". think Rolex's for older folks...think $200 jeans for younger ones...or make up for teenagers...or music for junkies like me.

maybe idolators, while biblically being without excuse, really deserve some sympathy. tho the idea of 'gods' is a silly figment of superstitious imagination(i'll over turn this later some other time), the pain of losing a status marker is quite real. the shame, or uncleanliness, or lack of 'normalcy' is real enough.

more to come later...

random meanderings

its really cold in my house tonight. so pulled out my old halloween costume. I was Max...from 'Where the Wild things Are'. lucky for me, Max wears some pretty warm clothing. I particularly felt better as soon as I donned the pants.

i hate the cold.
it makes me feel as if God no longer remembers me.
i hate that feeling.

I had an interesting chat not too long ago. it went something like this:

Friend: what do you do for a living?
Me: I put people back together again.
Friend: who do you turn to when you're the one who needs to be put back together again?
Me: I pay someone $80/hr. He's good about meeting with me. he never cancels. He listens to everything I say. He doesn't judge me and he usually has helpful things to say after our conversation.


I had a thought not too long ago. it ended up in a sermon that Sunday. All worldviews, including the Christian one, ultimately break down. the difference is that the Xtn one acknowledges this problem and gives you resources for handling such a scenario.

failed attempt at dinner...

okay...so i finished my workout. I ran on the treadmill for 50 minutes (Paul Park wanted me to run the Broad street 10k with him, so I started training just in case i was stupid enough to say 'yes'), and then I went back to the office. but then I realized that I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast that morning (it was 9:00pm at the time).

so i thought to myself, 'hey...Sushi sounds really good!!' and there's a sushi place that right next to the church. so I got in my car and drove over.

and that's when I noticed the smell of burning. something REALLY reeked.
I looked over and guess what I saw!!!
the sushi place that I was heading for was ON FIRE!!!
there were fire trucks all over the place! I couldn't even turn around.
lucky for me, i knew some back roads. I ended up pulling into a McDonalds and got some dollar menu items.

(sheesh!!)

i really wanted sushi. It totally fits that my sushi restaurant would burn down literally right in front of my eyes!! and on top of that it turns out that all that hard work on the tread mill was for nothing.

I hate you Murphy!!! you are the worst law maker in the history of jurisprudence!!!